April 1st Update

Subject: ⚠️ CRITICAL BALANCE UPDATE — April 1st Patch Notes

Happy April 1st, Engineers.

Celestia Dynamics is proud to present the most Dynamic Day of all: a completely intentional, thoroughly tested, not-at-all chaotic UNBALANCING of weapons and specimens. These changes are temporary. Normal balancing returns April 6th. Matches will play out... differently.

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WEAPON CHANGES

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• Tasers — Now powered by eco-friendly rechargeable batteries

• Nova Cannon — Downgraded to Laser Pointer

• Flamethrower — Now runs on the fuel economy of a Humvee

• Grenade Launcher — Fires one (1) super grenade. Choose wisely.

• Pulse Rifle — Half the shots, twice the speed

• Shotgun — Significantly more shells than anyone asked for

• Adhesive Adherer — Replaced with Bubble Blower

• Sonic Scrambler — Output increased 200%. Guaranteed to scramble eggs.

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SPECIMEN CHANGES

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The Larva and Squid are invigorated by the spirit of the prank.

• Speed ↑ Attack speed ↑

• Damage ↓ Effects ↓

• So. Many. Eggs. So. Many. Traps. So. Much. Ink. (All weaker.)

• Echolocation range increased — but it'll cost you

Good luck out there.

— The Celestia Dynamics Safety & Balance Team

(We are fine. TODD says everything is fine.)